Salvation from the Slump: How to End Your Dating Drought
Theres nothing worse than being in a slump.
Or so they say.
Ive been there, chances are youve been there, and I have a good friend whos there right now. Its affected just about every guy, and is the ultimate discouragement in our pursuit of womenif you let it be. For all its negative undertones, being in a slump doesnt have to be the worst thing ever. There are actually benefits to taking a timeout from girls, and the sooner you see these benefits, the sooner youll actually get out of your drought and into the female zone youre seeking.
The first step out of a slump is to BELIEVE that youll get out of the slump. May be harder than it sounds, but believe me, its crucial to adopt that mindset. The guys who are quickest to get out of a drought are those who dont throw a pity party for themselves, who dont flee back to their exs in desperation, and who remain focused on the other parts of their life, the parts that will attract women to them in the first place: work, sports, friends, etc.
My friend Sal is in a slump for the first time in a while. He dated one girl for 5 full years, and now that he finally broke up with her, he doesnt know what to do. Its been about a month, which is a lot shorter time period than a lot of guys I know who have been through the same, and hes already getting cranky, depressed, and tempted to go back to his girlfriend, despite the fact that he knows shes not right for him.
But in situations like his, you have to HOLD YOUR GROUND. Yeah, it blows being in a slump when it seems like no girl is into you. Its frustrating as hell not getting any love or sex for a long stretch. But you know what? Its also rewarding, which brings me to my next Slump Salvation tidbit:
Use the free time you have with no girlfriend or booty call to improve yourself.
Sal doesnt seem to be doing this. Hes wasting lots of time going online, searching for girls he miiiiight be able to get a date with (Im no believer in online dating), and groveling over how he cant seem to get a girl, even when it seems like shes interested in him. Hes giving women power over his life, making it seem like having one is the sole purpose in life, instead of empowering HIMSELF and going on living with a purpose that isnt women-related.
As Ive said so many times before, the funny thing about not looking for a girl is that THAT is when you are most likely to get one. So instead of wasting hours on end looking on MySpace or Lavalife or whatever other dating sites you may use, and beating yourself up for being single, get on with your life! Show women that youre a fun guy, a man in control of his own destiny. The great thing about being single is that you have the time that you wouldnte when youre with a girl, to learn new things that generally impress girls: how to cook a great meal, enjoying sports and getting in shape, travelling wherever you want and opening up to new things in life.
A lot of guys stop learning, stop opening themselves up when theyre with a girl. They become complacent, oversatisfied, content that now that theyve found a girlfriend or wife, as if theyve reached the top of the mountain.
Nah. Doesnt work that way. Having a woman is only one piece of the pie.
In fact, when you stop exploring life and committing yourself to new things, thats when a girl often loses interest. She sees that her boyfriend or husband has settled down and has become boring. Things dont change, when girls often like change and new things. And often, thats exactly when a woman leaves a man.
The time you have alone is your time of preparation, of becoming an exciting person. I, for example, was definitely not ready 10 years ago for the relationships I have been in over the last five years. I used the time in my teens and early 20s to build myself up and find out who I was and who I wanted to be. Since I took the time to find MYSELF, to build up my character and personality, it was no wonder that I was subsequently able to find girls, in return.
If youre in a drought, dont think of it as a bad situationsee it as a good one. Youve already taken the time to read this column and sort some things out, and thats an awesome start. Learn everything you can, do everything you have time to do. Remember that theres probably a good reason youre single right now; perhaps it was meant to be and its your chance to learn more about yourself and what it is you really love. Not every girl is made for every girltheres a special girl (or girls) out there just for you, but you have to build up your identity and purpose before you can find her.
Once you get a good understanding of your purpose in life and what you want to do with it, youll find that you enjoy things more. If your goal is to become a successful business owner who travels the world, use your free time now to determine how youre going to achieve that goal, and go on doing it. Hunker down to build that business, and use your free time to see the world (youll probably meet a girl while travelling). I guarantee you that once you have a path, an understanding of what your life is about, girls will begin to enter your life. Youll be having so much fun doing what moves you, what fills you up, that you wont even be searching for women. But as I said before, thats exactly when they show up.
So remember, believe that youll get out of the slump, use the time that the slump affords you with, and youll go from bust to boon in no time!
James Brito, author of "How to Be Irresistible to Women" and "The Art of Impressing Women," regularly explores topics of female attraction. Since 2000, he has helped thousands of men around the world build confidence and get the women they deserve. To get his free six-part audio mini-course, go to:Georgia Adair
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